Chris' Fingerprints
I want to take this time to thank everyone who have been along for this journey my family has been on the last 17 months. The journey is not over, we have just made a turn. Haven, Selah and I are anticipating what Christ has in store for our family. I have a couple of requests though.
There will be times throughout the next several years where I might call on some of you to take Haven and Selah and just spend a couple of hours with them telling them stories of their mom from your perspective. I think this would be a good exercise for them and also it helps with Chris' request that her memory will not fade from the girls.
Also if you have been touched in some way by this journey by Chris, I would love to hear them more in detail. Many of you know I am putting together a book of these stories for the firls (Chris' Fingerprints). You can email these stories to me at jcoden@hearthevoice.com. I would rather you email them so you can feel free to write as much as you want. All I ask is that you include your first name and the city in which you live.
For those that are still praying I ask that you pray for wisdom and discernment over the next couple of months as I feel the prodding of God in heading me in certain directions.
I will keep this blog going every week to keep people informed of when the book will be completed, where our family is in dealing with this loss and for those who got to attend the beautiful memorial service, many of you have asked for copies of that and I will have those soon.
jc
a letter left behind
I was going through some drawers near Chris' bed at 4am and I found a letter. It was an open letter for anyone who found it. It started off: "If you are reading this then it is because I am in Heaven." It was written 2 days before she died. We are going to try and blow it up for people to read at the service and then I will put it on here for those who can't make it to White House on Monday.
Thanks to all who have taken the time to visit our daughter's blog at www.havenrayne.blogspot.com and commented there. It makes her laugh when a new person leaves her a thought. I think this journaling of her thoughts have helped her in this process to at least a small degree.
As for myself I am okay. The first of many emptiness feelings happened at 1 in the morning last night when I went into our bedroom and for a split second I realized Chris isn't in our bed like she is supposed to be. And for that brief moment my heart ripped a little wider. And that's okay because I am hoping that the larger my heart rips the more that gap is filled with grace and understanding.
So tonight squeeze your lover a little tighter, kiss your children and finish that project after they are in bed. And when you go to sleep I pray that you have a peace knowing that although my muse and completer and our friend is no longer here that she would want us laughing and dancing because it's a new day.
still believing,
jc
10/01/73 - 02/07/07
She has left me for a much better man!
Chris is singing in Heaven now with her Nanny & Poppa. She didn't suffer long at all. I will update more details later.
thank you,
jc
pain
About 2 hours ago Chris started grabbing at her back and screaming a little about pain in her kidney area and her stomach. This is the first time that she has said she hurt and asked for morphine. The hospice nurse has given her a couple of morphine tablets already. She is going through shaking and sweating phases. The nurse also gave me some uncomfortable news that one of the nurse's fears is that since Chris' platelets are so low and she is starting to show signs of bleeding in the stomach that she will projectile all of her blood. That's not the visual you'd like to hear, but I ask that everyone pray that does not occur and that her pain will subside. The nurse also said this is the start of the end, and that she probably has two days tops. My selfish side wants her here as long as possible, but not at the expense of her going through this pain. So I ask that you pray for that, you pray for Haven who kissed her mom and let her know she loved her, and that Chris' fingerprints will continue to reveal themselves over more people's lives in the future.
till the end,
jc
2.6.07
Chris hasn't needed any oxygen today, but then again she hasn't gotten up from the bed since Sunday night. She is denying that she is sleeping all day. We have started the process of having the girls sleep away from the house, only to protect Haven from having to see something that she shouldn't. We really don't want her to see us having to bathe her mother and help her with normal functions. Right now she just sees her mom as sleeping a lot but talking to her some when Haven enters the room. I know this might sound like a negative post, but now you know some things to pray for. Pray for her sister who is having a harder time than most because her small family is in South Carolina and she is torn on when to come back here and be with her sister. Pray for understanding of other family members who might not understand that it's nothing personal, but if Chris wants something specific then it's my responsibility to make it happen. And of course pray that even though it seems as if there is nothing to celebrate, that we can still find moments throughout the day to celebrate Chris' life and to remember that when we grieve hard that's still part of the celebration.
blessings,
jc
2.4.07
tonight at about 10:30 Chris asked to have some oxygen. she started breathing heavy at 9 and so we are waiting for the hospice drug reps to deliver some. it should be here around midnight. we are with her on the couch and her fever has stayed at or near 105 for a couple of hours. pray for comfort, pray for clarity that all will be well and most of all praise God that all though my heart is ripped open, God is placing Himself in those parts that need filling and i have experienced a peace tonight that this blog or any video i put together would do justice. i don't understand it, i just welcome it and feel blessed to have the community around us that we do.
till the end,
jc
2.1.07
chris' fever has dropped to the lowest of the week. just a few minutes ago it was 99.6. the nurses want her to have a cbc (blood test) tomorrow because not to give false hope, but she is improving a little each day. tonight we have decided to let her and her father spend a couple of hours where it is just the two of them in the house with the nurse. that way they don't have to be confined to the bedroom or somewhere else. so if you come by and a little nurse tells you what is going on, please don't get your feelings hurt. she needs this time and her father needs this time.
thanks for all the food and prayers, something specific that can be prayed for today is haven and her adjustment to this situation. many of you know that she is very gentle and lately her attitude has been mad, mad and mad. i know this is part of the process and according to a neighbor who is a child counselor it is to be expected, but she still has to know boundaries. so you can pray that haven Chris and i can have talks about this in a beautiful way.
thanks again and i will try to let you know how she is later on this day.
jc
