a letter left behind
I was going through some drawers near Chris' bed at 4am and I found a letter. It was an open letter for anyone who found it. It started off: "If you are reading this then it is because I am in Heaven." It was written 2 days before she died. We are going to try and blow it up for people to read at the service and then I will put it on here for those who can't make it to White House on Monday.
Thanks to all who have taken the time to visit our daughter's blog at www.havenrayne.blogspot.com and commented there. It makes her laugh when a new person leaves her a thought. I think this journaling of her thoughts have helped her in this process to at least a small degree.
As for myself I am okay. The first of many emptiness feelings happened at 1 in the morning last night when I went into our bedroom and for a split second I realized Chris isn't in our bed like she is supposed to be. And for that brief moment my heart ripped a little wider. And that's okay because I am hoping that the larger my heart rips the more that gap is filled with grace and understanding.
So tonight squeeze your lover a little tighter, kiss your children and finish that project after they are in bed. And when you go to sleep I pray that you have a peace knowing that although my muse and completer and our friend is no longer here that she would want us laughing and dancing because it's a new day.
still believing,
jc
posted by hearthevoice.com @ 1:30 PM
22 Comments:
Thank you for sharing your journey with us. You are an amazing example of what it looks like to rely fully on the Lord's love and strength.
" The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble . He cares for those who trust in him." Nahum 1:7
Praying right now ......
JC,
Your blogs touch me so. You have been such an example to so many people. Patrick wanted you to know what an impact you have had on his life, he truly cherishes that he knows you. Let me know when you need anything, even a route 44 :)
Alana & kids
Kim...Amen.
There are no words to express how we feel when death comes to a young family. The comfort comes only in the understanding that Chris did know and love Jesus and she is singing her heart out now. It is my prayer that now you will begin to experience the fullness of what is God's intention for calling her to Himself at a time that would seem untimely to us. He promises us that His timing is always perfect and that His will will be accomplished. So for all of us who are grieving the loss of this precious young woman,mother,wife,daughter, sister,friend....Keep our eyes and ears open to see what He wanted us to witness on her behalf... To God Be the Glory...
Marilyn Kingsbury
jc my prayers are with you and your family.
amanda (carter) fitzgerald
JC
I don't think I could put into words just how deeply you and Chris have impacted all of our lives.And know that God will continue to use Chris's life to do just that,impact others for His Glory!Not just her life but yours as well.You being so open with your pain and hope in the Lord speaks louder that any sermon I have ever heard.The moments when you realize she is not there,those are some of the moments that I am covering in prayer for you.I want the Lord to fill those wounds with His love, grace and understanding,too.Just know He is constantly placing you and your girls on many, many peoples hearts to surround you all with prayer.Stay in Him,there is no other place to be.
Leah
JC,
Your words have encouraged me today. I know you didn't ask for this attention or to be this encourager, but thank you for sharing your struggle with us and allowing us to show our love to your family. I pray that God will truly bless you with unimaginable peace, strength and joy. We continue to pray for you and the girls daily.
Hugging my family more tightly and more frequently.
JP
JC
While we did not get to know Chris other than just in passing, Through her struggle and her strength I have come to have a great respect for both her and you. She seemed so much at peace with accepting God's will. Today I read her letter and I realized what a blessing she was to both your family and the church family.
I have come to know her through listening to many of the people that she touched, and how much she meant to them. That is a legacy that few people achive.
I put my children to bed tonight and talked to them about two little girl's Mama that went to be with Jesus, and I asked them to pray for you and the girls.
You have been very blessed to be able to have the time togather to say good bye to Chris. While on one hand so sad, but moreover such a blessing to have those special moments with her.
You and your family has taught me a lot this last week, and I just want to say thanks for allowing us to be a part of your life.
You will continue to be in our prayers.
Phil and Belinda
I moved when Chris was diagnosed and have been praying for your family ever since. There is a lady in Mt Juliet with a very similar story. She is 33 with two girls 4 and 2. She has been fighting cancer since last summer and probably won't make it thought the night. Her husband said he read once that D.L. Moody said at his funeral they will say that he is dead, but not to believe it for a minute because he will be more alive than ever! I am praying for you, that you will have a peace that only God can explain.
Even though I don't know your family personally, I've been truly inspired by yours and Chris' faith. I came across a story that made me think of her, and wanted to share it with you.
You have been and will continue to be in my prayers...
Jennifer Bennett
The Brave Little Soul
Not too long ago, in Heaven, there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. She especially enjoyed the love she saw there, and often expressed this joy with God. One day, however, the little soul was sad, for on this day she saw suffering in the world. She approached God and sadly asked, “Why do bad things happen? Why is there suffering in the world?” God paused for a moment and replied, “Little soul, do not be sad. For the suffering, you see, unlocks the love in people’s hearts.” The little soul was confused. “What do you mean?” she asked. God replied, “Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone.” The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, “The suffering soul unlocks the love in people’s hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this - it is the greatest miracle of all.”
“Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer, to unlock this love, to create this miracle for the good of all humanity." Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain herself. With her wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, "I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people’s hearts! I want to create that miracle!" God smiled and said, "You are a brave soul, I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave, you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you.” God and the brave little soul shared a smile, and then embraced.
In parting, God said, “Do not forget, little soul, that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed.” Thus, at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world and, through her suffering and God’s strength, she unlocked the goodness and love in people’s hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys. Some regained lost faith. Many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together, and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased.
JC,
Please know that there are more prayers being lifted up on your behalf than you could ever imagine. What an absolute inspiration you have been and will continue to be for so many people. Thank God that He gives us grace and strength when we need it most. You, Chris and the girls are constantly on my mind and in my prayers. The funeral was such an awesome celebration of life and love... it really impacted me. Just hearing how Chris touched the lives of so many people in so many places, there's no doubt that her fingerprints will continue to be all over far and wide, everywhere that God planned them to be. It's exciting to see where they'll touch next.
Still praying for you,
Nancy (Toni & Terri's mom from Michigan)
What an amazing woman and a teacher to us all.
I am amazed at the strength that you have had i did not know chis but i know that she will missed. your family is in my prayers
daniellle
I am amazed at the strength that you have had i did not know chis but i know that she will missed. your family is in my prayers
daniellle
Hi JC,
You don't know me, but a friend shared the link for you blog. I am so very sorry for your loss, but I wanted to offer you something. MOre for your daughters. Please contact me through my blog. I am sorry you lost your wife, but you are right, she has left you for a better man. Your family will remain in our thoughts and prayers.
Kara Mitch and Mae-Lei
Sorry JC,
I forgot my blog is now private. YOu can e-mail me at karapchapsnc@yahoo.com
Kara
I have "met" you through Kay Nakasone. What an inspiration you and your family are! I admire your strength, courage and steadfast faith in God. All of you have blessed me with your story. And, even though I don't know you personally your story has touched me and brought many tears to my eyes. The ability you have to keep your faith when it would be so much easier to ask "why" inspires and impresses me to be that kind of person myself - a better person. I am most positive that God has a very special pair of wings for Chris and has them waiting for you and the girls too!! Please take care of yourself and the girls. Don't be afraid to ask for help from those that love you most.
I have "met" you through Kay Nakasone. What an inspiration you and your family are! I admire your strength, courage and steadfast faith in God. All of you have blessed me with your story. And, even though I don't know you personally your story has touched me and brought many tears to my eyes. The ability you have to keep your faith when it would be so much easier to ask "why" inspires and impresses me to be that kind of person myself - a better person. I am most positive that God has a very special pair of wings for Chris and has them waiting for you and the girls too!! Please take care of yourself and the girls. Don't be afraid to ask for help from those that love you most.
JC, Your strength, optimisim, faith, hope, belief and humor has been an inspiration to all. My heart breaks with you and for you during this time. There really are no words to capture the moment but thank you for sharing your thoughts, dont ever stop telling this story...it changes lives...it changed mine.
We all love you very much!
JC
Keep your head held high, and know that Jesus is walking with you everystep of the way. When you don't feel like walking, let him carry you. Thanks for your friedship and the inspiration. I still believe..
KC
Oh...I don't know you...only just found out about you and your wife and daughters...through Allison Smythe's blog..but wanted to let you know I will be praying for you all often. I am so sorry for your loss. May God wrap you closely in His arms and show you His amazing presence in a multitude of ways in the days to come.
Post a Comment
<< Home